As a rehabilitated Christian, and Atheist (and occasional Deist, admittedly) one of the most difficult situations I have ever had to deal with is the suicide of a loved one. Neither the faith of the patriarchs nor the reality of the world provide very much comfort at such a time.
After the departure of someone in my life that had been there since the beginning, and cared for me like a son - my world collapsed inward as I couldn't bring myself to understand that final moment. The thoughts right before the final act - how desperate, how lonely and how dark would that moment be? Sometimes, you get a letter or note explaining in some detail (rational or no) but far too often (as in the situation I'm referencing) there is nothing to to help understand those left behind.
In my own vain attempt to understand, I wrote this letter, from my dearly departed. I did change some details to keep the identity of the family private.
______________________
My loves,
For nearly thirty years of my sixty-seven I've called this house my home. Paneled the walls with my friend next door, planted gardens with my wife and shared love with anyone that dared cross this threshold. Rex, Trapper and Clifford - all the best pups, gone before me.
I boated out and camped and helped raise the kids next door, more like my one in how much I love them. Sure, my wife and i fought, drank, smoked and cursed - and maybe we had a few close calls. But when the cancer took her, I had no foundation, no cause. Only isolation.
The cancer came for me and I whipped it the first time around... but this second round ain't leaving until I do.
To all of my wonderful family, to all of my wonderful friends - remember me as I was. This last moment is not sad, it's not full of fear, it's simply been the best to know you all.
I'll miss ya.
Goodbye.
-EMK
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